Since three yesterday afternoon, my mom had been failing fast. My travels home were filled with delays. I had plane flights canceled and even left a day later. We got turned around in LA on the way home, and it took us 45 minutes longer that usual. My siblings kept telling my mom that I was almost there. They even had a laptop computer to show her my flight pattern. "She's over Texas now, hang in there mom...she's landing...she driving...she's just around the corner."
I walked into my mom's room yesterday to a scene I always knew would happen, but tried to will away. My whole family was surrounding my mom, as she rested in the hospital bed that was delivered that day. Her breathing was slow, her eyes glazed. "Please God, I cried, let me have just a moment with her" I took her hands in mine, and whispered her name. "Mommy", I said. "I'm here...I love you" Her eyes focused for a moment and she puckered to kiss me. "My Judy" she said, and then tried to utter words that I couldn't understand, but knew they meant "I love you" "Mom, I'm so glad you have you teeth in" and she chuckled. and I knew she heard me.
When my dad died 14 months ago, his roommate died without his teeth in. He was alone. My dad had his teeth and looked so much better. The scene haunts me to this day, that man dying alone without his teeth. Its one of the reasons I became a volunteer for hospice. No one should die alone. My mom and I had a running joke about her teeth, I made her promise me that when she died she would have them in. She did, and it was the most beautiful chuckle I ever heard.
I slept in her room last night to the sound of her snoring. My sister came to check on her, and listened to both of us snoring together. Every time I woke up, I listened. The noise that drove me nuts as a kid was heavenly. I knew she was breathing.
At 11:10am today, my mom died at home. Away from the hospitals we all hated. Away from machines and tubes. She got her wish, and we were all there. Her kids, her grandkids, her dog. The absence in my life seems unbearable. She was my biggest fan. She was an artist, a plumber, a builder, and computer geek and her love of tennis never wained. She raised 5 kids who loved her dearly. About 2 weeks before she died, she told me of a dream that she just didn't want to end. She was healthy and played the tennis game of her life.
I'm sure right now, she's trying to get a game together. Oh, how I"ll miss her.
