He Said My Name

For a brief moment, the cloudiness of my father's alzheimers cleared, and I heard words that haven't been spoken in years. "Hi Judy!" he said in the midst of sounds and words that made no sense. It didn't matter that my mom told him that I was on the phone. It didn't matter that it was repeated over and over again, before the receiver was handed to him. He actually held that thought long enough to repeat it. In the midst of our brief conversation, he mentioned both sisters by name. Then he was gone. The clouds came back, and the darkness of such a horrible disease took over. He's leaving us all, moment by moment, as we sit and watch, and try to be patient and do what's right.

He has brought out the best and worst of my family these past few years. My mom, who is the real hero in all this, is struggling to wear her halo proudly, when what she really wants to do at times is ring his neck. Her daily dealings with him, in his confusion and outburst of anger have given her reasons to take daily walks to ease the pain. Her body is in great shape, even if her soul is worn out. I'm convinced she is next in line for sainthood....after the pope.

I don't know when it will all be over, but last night, I prayed that it would be soon.